BS Holiday Gift Guide

‘Tis the season to unload the candles, tacky mugs with “fancy” hot chocolate, magnetic notepads, and floral-print storage caddies bought for such a time as this! People love to give junk even though the “gift” of a trip to the Salvation Army to donate unwanted presents is never on anyone’s list. 

Most bad gifts fall into two categories: (1) items purchased in bulk without consideration of the eventual recipients; or (2) something bought on sale eight months ago for a specific individual from a store they would never shop. If you are indifferent to wants of recipients or merely make poor choices, I can help. This year, give people what they actually want… ok, not what they want but what they need and on which they do not want to spend money. Purchase gifts that are useful. 

2021 Holiday Gift Guide

* Printer: Many people do not have printers despite their necessary use. Boomers often own worthless inkjets, Gen X and millennials only have printers if they are business professionals, and no one in Gen Z grew up with home printers. People should never be forced to go to FedEx or Staples to print two pages. Save your gift recipient time and 30 cents by buying a heavy-duty, bulky, eyesore, laserjet that spits out black and white pages. Do not purchase a color printer. If feeling particularly generous, include an additional toner cartridge.  

* A gift basket of necessary items: Hangers, stamps, roll of quarters, and batteries. To liven up the basket, include flat round batteries like the CR2032s, which are usually in devices you do not realize are battery-powered until they die. Everyone needs these items and rarely has sufficient supplies. Even if the gift recipient is immediately disappointed, the next time the battery dies in their tablet keyboard, they will be relieved they have your gift and not a wooden Christmas ornament you purchased in Colonial Williamsburg.

* Electric hot water kettle: They are one of the best inventions of all-time, yet precious few Americans have them in their homes. Do Europeans boil water more often? It is unlikely given the amount of instant ramen consumed domestically. Electric hot water kettles are life changing and unlike other appliances, require little effort to use. Do not buy someone an air fryer or bread machine because they involve more work than turning on a faucet to make the final product. Never gift someone work. 

* Japanese ink pens: The Japanese know how to make pens. Until handwriting is completely obsolete, a good pen that rolls smoothly without resistance is a wonderful gift. Jet Pens is a great place to begin and end your search. 

* Dental insurance: Surprisingly, our teeth are not considered part of our bodies for regular insurance purposes. Many people do not grow up regularly visiting the dentist, which continues in adulthood. Dental health is important and anyone can find a monthly plan that costs as little as a commercial-free Hulu subscription. No one should have to choose between healthy teeth and the ability to watch the Animaniacs reboot.  

* French fries: The most delicious food on Earth are very hot McDonald’s French fries. A McDonald’s gift card seems like an embarrassing item to give, but consider that $25 will purchase ten orders of medium fries. That is ten occasions to provide unparalleled joy for five minutes. The cost-benefit ratio is unmatched! 

For more holiday gift ideas, check your Amazon “save for later” basket. And remember, if you do not have anything nice to give, do not give anything at all. 

Happy Holidays,

BS