Save Time and Read This Book Instead of Appearing on the Bachelor(ette)

In countless interviews by former Bachelor(ette) contestants, they discuss how much they learned and grew from the experience. It is evident a major incentive to appear on the program is therapeutic. The show is an opportunity to work through past traumas, reform problematic behavior, and improve quality of life through self-exploration. I never joined “the Bachelor family” because nature and nurture were both kind to me. I believed I had nothing to unpack, discuss or discover. I was wrong. No One Asked for This caused me to examine my feelings and conduct in a manner previously unexplored. It was akin to being on the Bachelor past the third week when the lead begins to push contestants to be honest with themselves, correct long-held bad habits, and become better people because they met them.^[1]  By reading this book, I got to know Cazzie– and by extension– myself. 

If you intend to go on the Bachelor(ette) because you lack a career and hope to spin “prominent audience member at the Men Tell All” into a full-time job, this book is not for you. But if you are considering the show for the “right reasons,” and are prepared to do the hard-work, you can skip the hassle of being without your phone for weeks and read this book instead. 

I learned the following invaluable lessons on my journey:  

Introspection is Rewarding

No One Asked for This is a book of essays where Cazzie discusses her family and lived experiences through a lens of anxiety and depression (and not just after HRC lost, but all the time). In light of Cazzie’s thoughts I examined my own, often in contrast. I am rarely introspective and have not overanalyzed a social interaction since early 2015. While reading; however, I considered how I would react in her position and we had frequent imaginary tête-à-têtes. Guess what? I really enjoyed my time with Cazzie and I also had fun thinking about myself. I am honestly considering developing adult-onset narcissism. 

Getting to Know One is Worthwhile

My brain and Cazzie’s are wired very differently, but I often agreed with her. In a few instances, she discussed what I falsely considered my singular observations. Perhaps the areas where we overlap are largely universal, but since I make no attempt to get to know people, I had no clue. There is comfort in learning I am not the only person who thinks a gunman will enter when I am in a movie theater,^[2] or lives in fear that today something horrific will occur to make up for my suspiciously good life.  

We bonded over the pointlessness of graduation ceremonies (I skipped my graduate school ceremony because enough is enough!) and are both firmly against walking down the aisle at a wedding. The attention I received as a bridesmaid was sufficient for me to forget how to walk naturally, like Jack Donaghy doing a commercial. I refuse to endure that agonizing ritual as a bride. Cazzie relatedly states, “I can’t think of anything more mortifying than walking in general, let alone in a choreographed motion in front of people who know me and, even worse, are overjoyed for me. I’d rather walk in front of them to my execution.”^[3] I completely agree and believe that millions of people longing to participate in this ceremony is a sign of collective insanity facilitated by “big wedding.” The only thing I have been indoctrinated into believing I need to feel complete is a Talkboy. 

For the first time since 2001,^[4] I felt understood. It was exciting to connect with someone. Nevertheless, there is no need to begin to ask follow-up questions– or any questions at all– in an attempt to better relate to my actual friends. One person is enough.  

It is Wrong to Make Sweeping Generalizations

I am surprised I liked Cazzie because she is a child of a celebrity, like both my enemies.^[5] After reading No One Asked for This, I concluded it is not my enemies’ parents that make them insufferable butt-munches, but that they are white men. This book relieved me of a long-standing bias and now I am finally free to hang out with Zoë Kravitz, and I am certainly better off because of that. 

Thanks Cazzie! 

BS

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^[1] Every contestant that does not “win” their season claims those three things occurred. 

^[2] The worst instance was the “Honey Brother Incident” where a man came in one hour late with a bag (albeit, a plastic bag), which could fit chips, a soda, AND A HANDGUN! I considered leaving, but standing would make me an easier target. After 20 minutes of debate, I concluded he changed his mind and stayed.

^[3] David, Cazzie. No One Asked for This. Mariner Books (2020), p. 99. 

^[4] Several good records came out that year. 

^[5] Well, ONE is a child of celebrity parents and the other is a child of a C-lister, but based on his bloated ego, you would think his dad is John Stamos.