People often dismiss entertainment targeted to girls or teens as superficial and juvenile. It rarely is. Good music inspires, provides life lessons, and is timeless. The following songs achieved those objectives while teaching millennials to succeed in a boomer patriarchy.
Brother For Sale (1992)
Brother For Sale is about sisters that are tired of their older brother picking on them, so they try to sell him at a yard sale. They keep lowering the price because no one wants him. I never tried to sell my big brother, but this song inspired me to take the valuables from his room and sell them at a yard sale. I made a tidy profit of about 87 cents because I priced nothing higher than 5 cents. If you walked past my house that day, you could get a $10 toy for the low, low price of 2 cents!
Although I did not have the upper body strength to kidnap and sell my brother, like the sons of Jacob, this song inspired me to become an entrepreneur and to use the tools I did have (paper, pen, tape, a chair, and a vengeful heart) to impart a valuable lesson to my elders: do not mess with me!
Gimmie Pizza (1995)
Three years later, the Olsens were at it again with the 1995 smash hit Gimmie Pizza! The song begins abruptly, but the girls say exactly what they need. This song taught me to express my wishes without equivocations, cut to the chase, and to demand what I want, no matter how odd. Do I need to spell it out for you?
The awkward pacing, the random lyrics, the pseudo-rhymes and vocalization (that can only be described as sing-rapping, a style made famous by the Olsens and stolen by Drake) make this a challenging song to memorize. I realized if I could overcome these obstacles to learn this song, everything else– including studying for the bar exam– would be a relative breeze!
Noyz About Boyz (2000)
As the girls matured, so did the subjects they tackled.
The 2000 feminist anthem Noyz About Boyz taught me that boyz are essentially garbage. “They’re supposed to be where it’s at, whoever came up with that?” This song saved me two decades of worry and heartbreak. I was taught early that the patriarchy is rooted in entitlement and societal rules are inconsistently applied because they are predicated on what allows men to retain power.
BS Closing Thoughts
The Olsens taught me to think creatively, demand what I want, and to challenge the patriarchy. By defending the Olsen’s work over three decades, I learned to identify logical fallacies in opponents’ arguments, become a persuasive advocate, and not cede to ignorant bullies – skills that help me succeed as an attorney. The Olsens clearly followed their own advice and were incredibly sucessful child life gurus, earning approximately $137 million by age 18. They are now worth half a billion dollars.[1] Do not mess with me, or the Olsen twins!
If you feel a bit lost in your career or need life advice, click below:
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen: A Musical Odyssey
BS
[1] https://www.celebritynetworth.com/richest-celebrities/actors/the-olsen-twins-net-worth/, which I am assured is absolutely accurate.